gazumping your dating life.

We all know a few people, if not ourselves, who want things that they cannot have. There's something alluring about it. But to look at it objectively, It is one way to choose. Wait for someone else to choose and then pick the same or in relationship cases, steal it. Apparently, the way the term 'gazump' came into our language, after a Mr. Gazump, ran into some money but didn't Know what to do with it. So understanding his limitations, he used to wait for people he respected to put offers in and then he would offer more, or gazump the original offer. So just like Mr. Gazump, is this why we want something that we can't have, because we don't know any better? but what does it say about the person who made the original choice. Just like Mr. Gazump maybe we have more of an attachment to the person we are gazumping.

Why people don't have the dating schedule they want.

Two reasons.

Outlook and Lifestyle.

Outlook, how you view yourself and your position in life and the community.

and Lifestyle, the way in which you live or how you live your life.

And they both have an effect on each other.

If your outlook on life for example is, meeting people is hard work and its easier to stay at home. That outlook will influence your lifestyle. You typically wont go out and meet people.

On the same note, if your not interacting with the world then you wont change your outlook of it. You have no need to.

But what if you want new? Because outlook and lifestyle both have an effect on each other, you can use one to diagnose the other.

Your Lifestyle acts like symptoms of your outlook. If your not going out, then what is your outlook, is it easier to stay at home?

What if you did something that you don't usually do, like a friend bought you out, and you enjoyed it. Wouldn't that effect your outlook? In just a small change in your lifestyle.

Sometimes we can think that our actions are us and we tie them in with our identity, im a football supporter for instance. But if I didn't go to watch the football, I wouldn't just com-bust into thin air. I would continue with my life.

 Just because we change our Outlook and Lifestyle doesn't make us any less us.

Hope this helps

Joehann.

There are different levels of communication.

Content, Context, Character and Control.

Content is the subject of what you are talking about. An example being a typical work conversation. We want something this wide by this high, or we need to do this this and this. The important part of the conversation is those numbers or directions, this is what we listen out for.

Context is the reason why you are having the conversation and its place in the relationship. Why are you talking and what your really talking about.

There is also a part of the conversation that is about character. Who are you and the person your talking to. Your beliefs will come across. As will your outlook on life, what your stand for, your purpose, your stage in life etc.

Control is who is leading who is following. A great example of control is an advertisement on television. On the ad they have a picture of someone who could be you, doing something that you could be doing. They are creating a familiar scene. Then all of a sudden something comes in, a product or a service. And life changes for the better.

In all this, control of the interaction has gone from you to the television. And phrases are used asking you to buy make a phone call etc, and telling you what a smart decision you have made. Because the television has control and it is now giving you commands.

This has been put down because its will be referred to in future.

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.

Joehann.

Why should men approach women and not the other way around?

It's not a numbers issue, the numbers of men and women are close enough to being even.
It's not an issue of looks, or who is trying to attract a partner to initiate an approach.
It's not even about avoiding rejection..

The greatest asset a man has is his purpose. And therefore what he intends to produce with his life.

This is a great lure for a woman. To be with a man who has a purpose, to assist him in this purpose.

The great conundrum of life is that none really knows what anyone else thinks and believes of them.  
Especially when we first meet. So how does having a purpose get conveyed?

A mans purpose is tested in an approach.


Here are the beliefs, followed by the conveyed action or in-action.

- Does he know what he wants? (not necessarily who, but what).
The act of approaching tests if there is a purpose.

- Is he honest and one with his purpose?
Is the approach inevitable (can I trust in it and him)? Does he get and maintain eye contact. Does she break eye contact first?

- Is she apart of that purpose? An integral part or even a cameo, it doesn't matter the role.
Does he put in extra effort, diverting from the purpose? Does he try and sell on something that isn't his purpose, like a drink or being kind or his social connections?

- How important is the purpose?
Does he hesitate, is there something else more important or is their doubt?


This is one topic all about changing our belief, the reason why we want to do, what we are doing, and how to go about it.

A man who forfeits his right to make the approach, is diminishing his ability to create attention and attraction in a woman.

There are other things which are important, but this is quite a substantial one.

Your approach is an asset that works in your favor.



I hope this helps.

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

Joehann.

Why your partner isn't your friend.

I watch quite a lot of TV shows about single people. You know the ones, they all seem tacky but I can't get enough. I'm just curious as to what is happening in the dating world.

Last night one such TV show had set up a woman and a man on a blind date. The date centers around the meal that in this case, and she was cooking.

She asked him quite a lot of questions, as it seemed she was quite serious about meeting someone. But from the answers given, he didn't seem as serious. One of the things he said when asked, 'what are you looking for in a partner?' was that he wanted a best friend.

*Sigh* was my response. Get a dog.

If you think that he's sweet and im a prick, then lets just open our mind for a second, Read the following then decide.

Am I being harsh? maybe. But attraction just doesn't work like that. When people are comfortable they have the least amount of sex and the boring type of sex. And that type of sex leads to relationship breakdown. Because relationships don't just break down instantly, it is a long road of taking things for granted and neglecting bits and pieces.

Men want to give their attention and feel appreciated as men, and women want to feel wanted and needed as women.

Do we feel this way about our friends?

Would you be upset if you didn't see your friend for a fortnight? But would you be upset if you didn't see your partner for a fortnight?

See what im getting at?

I'd love life to be heaven on earth. I'd be the first one to learn harp strumming whilst sitting on a cloud. But its our body (feelings) that wants a partner and wants to be satisfied, not our mind or our consciousness. So lets not sit back in life and expect our partner to be the same as us, and have the same interests/hobbies etc. Because were not looking for friends with something in common were looking for a partner who fills our needs.


I appreciate you taking the time to read this,


Hope this helps,
Joehann.

same, same, but same.

Ever muttered about the other sex, 'they are all the same'
I have. I think alot of us have.
Why do we say it?
Most likely out of frustration, but there is an element of truth to it. We want and look for the same things in people. It's more about us than them.

Were not talking about someone in the context of a occupation or position, but as close to their identity as you can get.

The truth is we are all the same. But I think for some reason that is hard to except. Maybe were afraid that we wont stand out, and no one will pay attention to us.

When out and about, I ran into some guys trying to reinvent the wheel. There's no need to be a superhero when it comes to picking up and having all the dates/relationships you want.
Remember your thoughts are a hindrance when it comes to meeting people.

We are all the same.

Hope this helps,
Chris.

I feel needed.

When I talk to my friends and others, hear where people are at in their lives I do feel needed.
It's like people believe that things are meant to happen. Like a movie with chance meetings.

Unfortunately love/lust/sex/relationships aren't like movies, they are like real life. Like everything else in real life.
Getting your job for instance. You had to accept where you were before you had a job. That you didn't have a job but you wanted one. You weren't afraid to approach people about it, you understood what you needed to get one. You did what you needed to do and after a few interviews and applications here you are. Employed.
Yet with love people leave it to chance.
Just like getting a job the more exposure you have, the more power and choice you get. (no pun intended.)
If there is one thing you learn from reading this, I hope it is this.
Run it like a buisness.
You don't just walk into a relationship. You just can't create that want in a person instantly.
Before you get there you have to enjoy the single life, be proficient at it. It's not personal.
Don't get caught up in emotions and the content of people. It's not about that. Meeting someone isn't about the best local band or football team or where you live. It's about two people being honest. If your caught up in the content, then your not actually meeting that person. That person is just a shell with a tape recorder in it that has alot of other peoples influences on the tape.
Honestly is a really big subject which ill start on another day and will last for quite a while.
I've tried to put up clean  cut posts so far but I write 10 posts to get one up and i dont think im ready to cut it that clean yet. I just need to get it out of me then sort it on the paper.
I have no idea of an order.
Bare with me :)

Regards,
Joehann.