Location x 3

Wouldnt you like a cheat sheet for pubs and clubs?
Would it give you more confidence if you had some new information or a new way to look at pubs and clubs?

Pubs and clubs are social places, people go there to be social. So how can you tell if someone is there to be social with their friends, or with new people.

One way is location.

There are places in all pubs and clubs that draw people wanting to meet new people. Now I'm not one for stereotyping, but if I see two people, dressed well, standing in a walkway, I see that as them making the first move.

So having said that the entrance, and walkways of a bar are places where people are happy to meet new people. These are places to see and be seen. It is easy for passing comments with people which can easily lead onto something more meaningful.

The bar is a place that almost everyone will go to. So there is a great variety of people, with one thing in common. People typically want to get their drink and leave the bar. So here is a good place to make yourself known to people, so if you see them later you can do the 'we go way back' gag.

The couches are a place, in my opinion, for people who want to take themselves out of the bar environment. People who want to be social with their own group usually are around here. There are always around the toilets in a bar.

And although I met my fiancé outside the toilet at a bar, typically people can be a little reserved being by themselves at a bar if they are waiting, or not being in their full group. I advise that you meet these people when there in a different section of the bar.

 Groups of people in bars are fun. Either parties or hens/bucks nights. Some can be inverted, but they are usually confident in their choices when they are backed up by the group.

 I hope this helps.

Joehann

Correct use of language.

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night with a thought or an idea?
It feels powerful and exciting, it tends to carry more weight than having the same thought during the day.
It gives the impression of life changing, or if not, at least very important.

We'll I woke up in the middle of last night with the term 'correct language' on my mind.
Keeping my phone near my bed I wrote this example down.

I am shy or I act shy?

What is the difference here?

One example brings the word shy into your identity, and one doesn't. Considering yourself shy means that in everything you do, you identify as shy. Meeting new people, hanging out with friends, at home by yourself? We'll yes. If you 'are' something then it is you where ever  you are in whatever you do.

But is this correct? I mean are you shy in your own house with your fridge? Do you act polite, avoid eye contact or become nervous around your fridge? I doubt it.

So describing yourself as shy, is incorrect. And as silly as it seems, it does have consequences.

What im asking, is that you put a word in between 'I' and 'shy' that separates you from the action. You are not shy, you act shy, so it doesn't become an identity.

So saying I act shy would be more correct, if you put it in a sentence 'I act shy around the opposite sex.' If that is the instance that you do act shy.

So why is it so important to use correct language? Big deal, people know what I mean right?

It's all about measuring. You know that you don't act shy around your fridge but you do around the opposite sex? So what's the difference between the two? You've measured it and now you can do something about it. Saying 'I am shy' in a general sense, your saying your shy around everything, so you can't measure your actions in front of the fridge as opposed to the opposite sex.

But if you do use correct language, and separate between different circumstances you can understand that there is a difference. Your not always shy (in this example) and you can disassociate with your action. Which puts you in a more powerful place to decide what you want and change.

If we are all just a little more aware of the language we use, we can be in a more powerful position in our lives.

This is very key.

Hope this helps

Joehann.

Lifestyle

There’s no way around the fact that dating is a numbers game, but it's rare to find people who are dating enough.
My mantra is one date per week, at least.

Your lifestyle (how you are living your life) is going to determine how many people your meeting, and dating. If its not working for you, then something has to change.

Whether the following is right or not is up to you. (But I will remind you that there are a lot of people who are wrong, who seem to be doing alright for themselves.)

Date multiple people at the same time. It isn’t about dating one person at a time anymore. Life is too short. Your not dating on principle, its on market forces, and its not ‘I’ its ‘the game'.

Always be meeting new people.You can't run a business without new clients and its the same for dating. Let me give an example here. If there is a pack of cards on the table, and you take two cards, what are the chances that you have the Ace of Spades? One in twenty six. Not really great odds. But what if you had eighteen cards? You’d have a one third chance and now you are looking more likely.

Put yourself first. You want to meet someone(s) because it makes you feel good. Easily forgotten.

Focus on what you can control, don’t try and control what you can’t.  A good relationship is two people. And you can't control if the other person hangs around or not. Just focus on the choices you have control over.

Play to your strategy. Don't try to be something, 'funny' for example, Humor can easily work against you and its not the joke that your love interest wants to fuck. Humor can be used to relieve tension, which is something that you might want to keep in your conversation.

Interact with the world. I see it all the time, people with headphones in, typing on their phones wishing they were some place else. People think that dating is about only talking to the people they are interested in. Not the case. Start talking to people at the pedestrian crossing, at the check out etc. You don't want to be making meeting someone a big deal, and you don't want to be talking to people differently based on your desires and your value of them.

Give yourself permission Honestly, I think the rise of internet dating owes a lot to giving people permission. It tells people here is a dating website, you can date here. (That and anonymity creating a lack of rejection.) It is okay for you to meet people even if you have no other reason than 'being social'. Give yourself permission.

They are all the same. Yep, simple as that.

Hope this helps,

Joehann

gazumping your dating life.

We all know a few people, if not ourselves, who want things that they cannot have. There's something alluring about it. But to look at it objectively, It is one way to choose. Wait for someone else to choose and then pick the same or in relationship cases, steal it. Apparently, the way the term 'gazump' came into our language, after a Mr. Gazump, ran into some money but didn't Know what to do with it. So understanding his limitations, he used to wait for people he respected to put offers in and then he would offer more, or gazump the original offer. So just like Mr. Gazump, is this why we want something that we can't have, because we don't know any better? but what does it say about the person who made the original choice. Just like Mr. Gazump maybe we have more of an attachment to the person we are gazumping.

Why people don't have the dating schedule they want.

Two reasons.

Outlook and Lifestyle.

Outlook, how you view yourself and your position in life and the community.

and Lifestyle, the way in which you live or how you live your life.

And they both have an effect on each other.

If your outlook on life for example is, meeting people is hard work and its easier to stay at home. That outlook will influence your lifestyle. You typically wont go out and meet people.

On the same note, if your not interacting with the world then you wont change your outlook of it. You have no need to.

But what if you want new? Because outlook and lifestyle both have an effect on each other, you can use one to diagnose the other.

Your Lifestyle acts like symptoms of your outlook. If your not going out, then what is your outlook, is it easier to stay at home?

What if you did something that you don't usually do, like a friend bought you out, and you enjoyed it. Wouldn't that effect your outlook? In just a small change in your lifestyle.

Sometimes we can think that our actions are us and we tie them in with our identity, im a football supporter for instance. But if I didn't go to watch the football, I wouldn't just com-bust into thin air. I would continue with my life.

 Just because we change our Outlook and Lifestyle doesn't make us any less us.

Hope this helps

Joehann.

There are different levels of communication.

Content, Context, Character and Control.

Content is the subject of what you are talking about. An example being a typical work conversation. We want something this wide by this high, or we need to do this this and this. The important part of the conversation is those numbers or directions, this is what we listen out for.

Context is the reason why you are having the conversation and its place in the relationship. Why are you talking and what your really talking about.

There is also a part of the conversation that is about character. Who are you and the person your talking to. Your beliefs will come across. As will your outlook on life, what your stand for, your purpose, your stage in life etc.

Control is who is leading who is following. A great example of control is an advertisement on television. On the ad they have a picture of someone who could be you, doing something that you could be doing. They are creating a familiar scene. Then all of a sudden something comes in, a product or a service. And life changes for the better.

In all this, control of the interaction has gone from you to the television. And phrases are used asking you to buy make a phone call etc, and telling you what a smart decision you have made. Because the television has control and it is now giving you commands.

This has been put down because its will be referred to in future.

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.

Joehann.

Why should men approach women and not the other way around?

It's not a numbers issue, the numbers of men and women are close enough to being even.
It's not an issue of looks, or who is trying to attract a partner to initiate an approach.
It's not even about avoiding rejection..

The greatest asset a man has is his purpose. And therefore what he intends to produce with his life.

This is a great lure for a woman. To be with a man who has a purpose, to assist him in this purpose.

The great conundrum of life is that none really knows what anyone else thinks and believes of them.  
Especially when we first meet. So how does having a purpose get conveyed?

A mans purpose is tested in an approach.


Here are the beliefs, followed by the conveyed action or in-action.

- Does he know what he wants? (not necessarily who, but what).
The act of approaching tests if there is a purpose.

- Is he honest and one with his purpose?
Is the approach inevitable (can I trust in it and him)? Does he get and maintain eye contact. Does she break eye contact first?

- Is she apart of that purpose? An integral part or even a cameo, it doesn't matter the role.
Does he put in extra effort, diverting from the purpose? Does he try and sell on something that isn't his purpose, like a drink or being kind or his social connections?

- How important is the purpose?
Does he hesitate, is there something else more important or is their doubt?


This is one topic all about changing our belief, the reason why we want to do, what we are doing, and how to go about it.

A man who forfeits his right to make the approach, is diminishing his ability to create attention and attraction in a woman.

There are other things which are important, but this is quite a substantial one.

Your approach is an asset that works in your favor.



I hope this helps.

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

Joehann.