There are different levels of communication.

Content, Context, Character and Control.

Content is the subject of what you are talking about. An example being a typical work conversation. We want something this wide by this high, or we need to do this this and this. The important part of the conversation is those numbers or directions, this is what we listen out for.

Context is the reason why you are having the conversation and its place in the relationship. Why are you talking and what your really talking about.

There is also a part of the conversation that is about character. Who are you and the person your talking to. Your beliefs will come across. As will your outlook on life, what your stand for, your purpose, your stage in life etc.

Control is who is leading who is following. A great example of control is an advertisement on television. On the ad they have a picture of someone who could be you, doing something that you could be doing. They are creating a familiar scene. Then all of a sudden something comes in, a product or a service. And life changes for the better.

In all this, control of the interaction has gone from you to the television. And phrases are used asking you to buy make a phone call etc, and telling you what a smart decision you have made. Because the television has control and it is now giving you commands.

This has been put down because its will be referred to in future.

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.

Joehann.

Why should men approach women and not the other way around?

It's not a numbers issue, the numbers of men and women are close enough to being even.
It's not an issue of looks, or who is trying to attract a partner to initiate an approach.
It's not even about avoiding rejection..

The greatest asset a man has is his purpose. And therefore what he intends to produce with his life.

This is a great lure for a woman. To be with a man who has a purpose, to assist him in this purpose.

The great conundrum of life is that none really knows what anyone else thinks and believes of them.  
Especially when we first meet. So how does having a purpose get conveyed?

A mans purpose is tested in an approach.


Here are the beliefs, followed by the conveyed action or in-action.

- Does he know what he wants? (not necessarily who, but what).
The act of approaching tests if there is a purpose.

- Is he honest and one with his purpose?
Is the approach inevitable (can I trust in it and him)? Does he get and maintain eye contact. Does she break eye contact first?

- Is she apart of that purpose? An integral part or even a cameo, it doesn't matter the role.
Does he put in extra effort, diverting from the purpose? Does he try and sell on something that isn't his purpose, like a drink or being kind or his social connections?

- How important is the purpose?
Does he hesitate, is there something else more important or is their doubt?


This is one topic all about changing our belief, the reason why we want to do, what we are doing, and how to go about it.

A man who forfeits his right to make the approach, is diminishing his ability to create attention and attraction in a woman.

There are other things which are important, but this is quite a substantial one.

Your approach is an asset that works in your favor.



I hope this helps.

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

Joehann.

Why your partner isn't your friend.

I watch quite a lot of TV shows about single people. You know the ones, they all seem tacky but I can't get enough. I'm just curious as to what is happening in the dating world.

Last night one such TV show had set up a woman and a man on a blind date. The date centers around the meal that in this case, and she was cooking.

She asked him quite a lot of questions, as it seemed she was quite serious about meeting someone. But from the answers given, he didn't seem as serious. One of the things he said when asked, 'what are you looking for in a partner?' was that he wanted a best friend.

*Sigh* was my response. Get a dog.

If you think that he's sweet and im a prick, then lets just open our mind for a second, Read the following then decide.

Am I being harsh? maybe. But attraction just doesn't work like that. When people are comfortable they have the least amount of sex and the boring type of sex. And that type of sex leads to relationship breakdown. Because relationships don't just break down instantly, it is a long road of taking things for granted and neglecting bits and pieces.

Men want to give their attention and feel appreciated as men, and women want to feel wanted and needed as women.

Do we feel this way about our friends?

Would you be upset if you didn't see your friend for a fortnight? But would you be upset if you didn't see your partner for a fortnight?

See what im getting at?

I'd love life to be heaven on earth. I'd be the first one to learn harp strumming whilst sitting on a cloud. But its our body (feelings) that wants a partner and wants to be satisfied, not our mind or our consciousness. So lets not sit back in life and expect our partner to be the same as us, and have the same interests/hobbies etc. Because were not looking for friends with something in common were looking for a partner who fills our needs.


I appreciate you taking the time to read this,


Hope this helps,
Joehann.

same, same, but same.

Ever muttered about the other sex, 'they are all the same'
I have. I think alot of us have.
Why do we say it?
Most likely out of frustration, but there is an element of truth to it. We want and look for the same things in people. It's more about us than them.

Were not talking about someone in the context of a occupation or position, but as close to their identity as you can get.

The truth is we are all the same. But I think for some reason that is hard to except. Maybe were afraid that we wont stand out, and no one will pay attention to us.

When out and about, I ran into some guys trying to reinvent the wheel. There's no need to be a superhero when it comes to picking up and having all the dates/relationships you want.
Remember your thoughts are a hindrance when it comes to meeting people.

We are all the same.

Hope this helps,
Chris.

I feel needed.

When I talk to my friends and others, hear where people are at in their lives I do feel needed.
It's like people believe that things are meant to happen. Like a movie with chance meetings.

Unfortunately love/lust/sex/relationships aren't like movies, they are like real life. Like everything else in real life.
Getting your job for instance. You had to accept where you were before you had a job. That you didn't have a job but you wanted one. You weren't afraid to approach people about it, you understood what you needed to get one. You did what you needed to do and after a few interviews and applications here you are. Employed.
Yet with love people leave it to chance.
Just like getting a job the more exposure you have, the more power and choice you get. (no pun intended.)
If there is one thing you learn from reading this, I hope it is this.
Run it like a buisness.
You don't just walk into a relationship. You just can't create that want in a person instantly.
Before you get there you have to enjoy the single life, be proficient at it. It's not personal.
Don't get caught up in emotions and the content of people. It's not about that. Meeting someone isn't about the best local band or football team or where you live. It's about two people being honest. If your caught up in the content, then your not actually meeting that person. That person is just a shell with a tape recorder in it that has alot of other peoples influences on the tape.
Honestly is a really big subject which ill start on another day and will last for quite a while.
I've tried to put up clean  cut posts so far but I write 10 posts to get one up and i dont think im ready to cut it that clean yet. I just need to get it out of me then sort it on the paper.
I have no idea of an order.
Bare with me :)

Regards,
Joehann.

What do you talk about...

What do you talk about when your dating?


Anything that involves the mind generally isn't a good topic for social conversation when your out anywhere, especially on a date.

When at work, you want the measurements, figures, facts etc that's great, but leave them there. When your out light hearted social banter is what is called for.

The best conversations I find are like the best dances. You feel like you've had an amazing experience, and you have, but your in the same space, and you don't really know anything about the other person, (facts and figures, job, interests wise etc.).

It's about us as people and that can sometimes get lost in the content.

If you have ever had a great connection with someone you probably don't remember what you talked about, or you can't really explain it to someone else, because its just for you two.

Remember that we are keeping our mind out of our dating sex life, so not being able to remember or explain is a good thing!

Keeping the conversations light, and the courtship/relationship light creates and strengthens bonds between people, and keeps it fun.


This can get a little lost sometimes.

Hope this helps.



Joehann

An explanation.

I can't explain dating and sex. Nor does it need explaining.

I would like to make it clear that this part of our lives isn't about our brain. Because if it were, we would have an explanation.

I do appreciate attempted explanations. The arguments that we are advancing our species, evolving to outwit diseases and pooling our genes, testing out potential mates, and playing our best strategy for the future.

These may well be true but it doesn't explain everything that we feel and experience. It also doesn't explain the rituals of courtship and why some of us feel the need to get married.

It also doesn't explain why the people who go around spruiking this type of belief are usually single. :P

I firmly believe that courtship/dating/sex is not of our mind. It is not necesarily the 'smart' thing to, but we do it because we are human, and its part of what makes us human.

Being not of our mind, it is also not of our ego. We can't own it, we can't possess it and we can't obtain stature because of it.

Sometimes I see people, fighting what they are born to do, when it comes to sex and courtship. I see courtship being learned and people trying to study it and craft it into a power they can have.

The irony here is that some people come out the other side realising what it really is.

It's something that we do as humans, living our lives, and when were not humans anymore, we will stop doing it.


Hope this helps.

Joehann.