Why your partner isn't your friend.

I watch quite a lot of TV shows about single people. You know the ones, they all seem tacky but I can't get enough. I'm just curious as to what is happening in the dating world.

Last night one such TV show had set up a woman and a man on a blind date. The date centers around the meal that in this case, and she was cooking.

She asked him quite a lot of questions, as it seemed she was quite serious about meeting someone. But from the answers given, he didn't seem as serious. One of the things he said when asked, 'what are you looking for in a partner?' was that he wanted a best friend.

*Sigh* was my response. Get a dog.

If you think that he's sweet and im a prick, then lets just open our mind for a second, Read the following then decide.

Am I being harsh? maybe. But attraction just doesn't work like that. When people are comfortable they have the least amount of sex and the boring type of sex. And that type of sex leads to relationship breakdown. Because relationships don't just break down instantly, it is a long road of taking things for granted and neglecting bits and pieces.

Men want to give their attention and feel appreciated as men, and women want to feel wanted and needed as women.

Do we feel this way about our friends?

Would you be upset if you didn't see your friend for a fortnight? But would you be upset if you didn't see your partner for a fortnight?

See what im getting at?

I'd love life to be heaven on earth. I'd be the first one to learn harp strumming whilst sitting on a cloud. But its our body (feelings) that wants a partner and wants to be satisfied, not our mind or our consciousness. So lets not sit back in life and expect our partner to be the same as us, and have the same interests/hobbies etc. Because were not looking for friends with something in common were looking for a partner who fills our needs.


I appreciate you taking the time to read this,


Hope this helps,
Joehann.

same, same, but same.

Ever muttered about the other sex, 'they are all the same'
I have. I think alot of us have.
Why do we say it?
Most likely out of frustration, but there is an element of truth to it. We want and look for the same things in people. It's more about us than them.

Were not talking about someone in the context of a occupation or position, but as close to their identity as you can get.

The truth is we are all the same. But I think for some reason that is hard to except. Maybe were afraid that we wont stand out, and no one will pay attention to us.

When out and about, I ran into some guys trying to reinvent the wheel. There's no need to be a superhero when it comes to picking up and having all the dates/relationships you want.
Remember your thoughts are a hindrance when it comes to meeting people.

We are all the same.

Hope this helps,
Chris.

I feel needed.

When I talk to my friends and others, hear where people are at in their lives I do feel needed.
It's like people believe that things are meant to happen. Like a movie with chance meetings.

Unfortunately love/lust/sex/relationships aren't like movies, they are like real life. Like everything else in real life.
Getting your job for instance. You had to accept where you were before you had a job. That you didn't have a job but you wanted one. You weren't afraid to approach people about it, you understood what you needed to get one. You did what you needed to do and after a few interviews and applications here you are. Employed.
Yet with love people leave it to chance.
Just like getting a job the more exposure you have, the more power and choice you get. (no pun intended.)
If there is one thing you learn from reading this, I hope it is this.
Run it like a buisness.
You don't just walk into a relationship. You just can't create that want in a person instantly.
Before you get there you have to enjoy the single life, be proficient at it. It's not personal.
Don't get caught up in emotions and the content of people. It's not about that. Meeting someone isn't about the best local band or football team or where you live. It's about two people being honest. If your caught up in the content, then your not actually meeting that person. That person is just a shell with a tape recorder in it that has alot of other peoples influences on the tape.
Honestly is a really big subject which ill start on another day and will last for quite a while.
I've tried to put up clean  cut posts so far but I write 10 posts to get one up and i dont think im ready to cut it that clean yet. I just need to get it out of me then sort it on the paper.
I have no idea of an order.
Bare with me :)

Regards,
Joehann.

What do you talk about...

What do you talk about when your dating?


Anything that involves the mind generally isn't a good topic for social conversation when your out anywhere, especially on a date.

When at work, you want the measurements, figures, facts etc that's great, but leave them there. When your out light hearted social banter is what is called for.

The best conversations I find are like the best dances. You feel like you've had an amazing experience, and you have, but your in the same space, and you don't really know anything about the other person, (facts and figures, job, interests wise etc.).

It's about us as people and that can sometimes get lost in the content.

If you have ever had a great connection with someone you probably don't remember what you talked about, or you can't really explain it to someone else, because its just for you two.

Remember that we are keeping our mind out of our dating sex life, so not being able to remember or explain is a good thing!

Keeping the conversations light, and the courtship/relationship light creates and strengthens bonds between people, and keeps it fun.


This can get a little lost sometimes.

Hope this helps.



Joehann

An explanation.

I can't explain dating and sex. Nor does it need explaining.

I would like to make it clear that this part of our lives isn't about our brain. Because if it were, we would have an explanation.

I do appreciate attempted explanations. The arguments that we are advancing our species, evolving to outwit diseases and pooling our genes, testing out potential mates, and playing our best strategy for the future.

These may well be true but it doesn't explain everything that we feel and experience. It also doesn't explain the rituals of courtship and why some of us feel the need to get married.

It also doesn't explain why the people who go around spruiking this type of belief are usually single. :P

I firmly believe that courtship/dating/sex is not of our mind. It is not necesarily the 'smart' thing to, but we do it because we are human, and its part of what makes us human.

Being not of our mind, it is also not of our ego. We can't own it, we can't possess it and we can't obtain stature because of it.

Sometimes I see people, fighting what they are born to do, when it comes to sex and courtship. I see courtship being learned and people trying to study it and craft it into a power they can have.

The irony here is that some people come out the other side realising what it really is.

It's something that we do as humans, living our lives, and when were not humans anymore, we will stop doing it.


Hope this helps.

Joehann.

Choice

This is what everyone really wants...

Choice.
You may be reading this and thinking something else, but let me explain.

Choice is about having the right and power to choose. To be in a position of power.

But if you had the power to choose it might even affect your choice.

Ever seen politicians make big promises and come across strong in a certain area, until they have the power to actually do something about it and don't follow through with their promises!

You may wish for something, maybe even set it as a goal for yourself, but once you get there, like standing on top of a mountain, somewhere in the new view, you see something else you want.

Choice gives us options.

It seems silly and basic but it gets overlooked quite a bit.
Especially when it comes to meeting people.

Sometimes its easy to get caught up in achieving, accumulating and possessing.

But our feelings can't ever be appeased by something that 'gives' us a feeling. Like a particular person or relationship.

That is why choice is so important.

Because choice is something that we can have. It gives us the confidence which is the feeling. The partner (which people tend to anchor the feelings too) may turn out to be a this or a that, (which then effects our feelings) but our choice and power to choose is ours, and cannot be taken from us.

To give my power to someone to 'make me happy', is too risky for me...
Make yourself happy.

Hope this helps.
Chris.

Excuse me.

I've tried writing some entries over the past two weeks, and i've ended up with quite a few half posts.
After my kitchen goes in my time will be less demanded by my house, and there will be more time for outside passions, and my head will be a little clearer.

Chris.

Lessons from 'Old' and 'Young' people.

The father of a friend of mine told me he noticed something with 'Old' people vs 'Young' people.

He claims 'Young' people tend to wear clothes that add to their identity, shirts with names, logos, jeans with tears, clothes different sizes, tight, short, long, baggy, Designer brands, brand names, buying clothes from certain stores. etc. etc.

And that 'Old' people tend not to feel the need to express themselves with their clothes.
The theory, 'young' people don't have experience and need to add to their identity.

'Old' people have the experience and are generally more comfertable with who they are, whether others know it or not.
In my opinion he is bias toward his own generation, but everyone is at least a little bias to their own situation.

From this observation you might take out that 'young' people are more inclined to wear clothes made with newer techniques.

Anyhow back to the point.

I'd like to give a different spin on this observation and theory, to put forward that identity has more to do with confidence than experience.

Someone who wears clothes with logos for example, is drawing that confidence from outside of themselves. The logo represents something to people, i.e. exclusivity, which adds to your perceived identity.

People with an inner confidence tend not to cloud their identity with outside influences.
Almost like a void of obvious identity is a blank canvas, allowing other traits to fill in the picture.

So how much stuff do we have in our lives that is driven by our sense of outside identity?

A good point to finish on.

Hope this helps.

Chris.

What is your attitude?

I ask you a question, one that you may not truly know the answer to,

What is your attitude?

What words would you use to describe it?
Is it positive, closed, hopeful, happy.

Let me give you an example, that  you can answer.
If you sit down on the train for instance, what do you want to happen? Whats the best outcome for your train trip?
What if someone comes and sits next to you for instance, is that a good or bad thing?

You may answer however you answer and think that is the end of it. But is it?
What if your idea partner came and sat in the same booth on the train. Or what if young kid and all his school mates come and fill in your booth.
Now your thinking about it.
Which is good, so ill ask again,

What is your attitude?

And to be a little more specific;

Do you look forward to new in your life?
What is your outlook on your life in particular?


Attitude and outlook is very important in life. And especially when your meeting people. It effects how people act and react towards you. Male/Female it doesn't matter.

In a lot of ways meeting and dating people can tell you a lot about yourself. Someone you haven't met and don't know from a bar of soap, can  really only go off what your giving them.
It can be a great way to get information on questions that are tough to ask of yourself.

Hope this helps.

Joehann.
Melbourne Matchmaker.